2013 In a Nutshell

I'm reading a book called "The Happiness Advantage" with my work book club. I'm not a huge fan of the self-help genre (and for some reason these are the kinds of books that always get picked by the group) so it is taking me months (and hopefully not countless library fines) to finish this one even though it is a fabulous book. What I'm learning is that success, performance at work, and general happiness are all a product of your positive outlook on life and not the other way around. As I am wont to do with every book I read, I've been internalizing all the different points the author makes and realize that somehow intuitively I've been applying some of these principles in my life already. Mostly because 2013 was by far the most roller-coaster of a year to date in my life.

Here's a recap of the year:

• I'm so glad to be alive since I didn't die from the pulmonary embolism
• Happy birthday, I'm done taking Coumadin! Let's celebrate with leafy green vegetables!
• I finished my first novel - finally!
• Just kidding, back on Coumadin
• Wait, why did I just gain thirty pounds in a couple of weeks? 
• Good news, mammograms don't hurt and I have medical proof I have a great rack
• Wow, biopsy of the kidney really hurts but not as much as finding out I have a chronic kidney disease that I will never get rid of.
• I'm officially more of a yogi than a runner but that's okay
• Treatment of kidney disease commences and I am feeling better
• Started teaching yoga at work since no one else would get the ball rolling
• Treatment isn't working, how 'bout chemotherapy? We settled for vegetarianism and immunosuppression after I argued with my doctor for a plan that didn't come with cancer side effects later.
• Immunosuppression sucks ass! Time for a pity party from hell
• Just kidding, I'm over the pity party and ready to BE healthy instead of wallow
• When the dose is finally right, immunosuppression is actually great since I feel fabulous now!
• Focus turns back to fitness and surprise - yoga is keeping me from being any worse off than I was before this whole mess.
• Everyday yoga practice commences - I'm addicted
• I finished my second novel - in a month!
• Christmas in California's warm weather - although the Californians think it is winter we know they are crazy.

The book is full of examples of positive psychology and proof that you are more productive and successful if you first start with a positive outlook rather than saying that once you get {fill in the blank} I'll be happy. The one that struck me the hardest was talking about how there is a small subset of people who are more successful and happier because they can more successfully pick themselves up off the mat after failures or setbacks. They are the people who define themselves not by what has happened to them but instead by what they can make out of what has happened.

There is no doubt about it that I am a changed person because of the last year. I have always lived life with a touch of spontaneity but now I'm even more apt to jump first and ask questions later. I also cherish my relationships with people - not just those closest to me but everyone I know - differently and more deeply. I know more than most how tenuous life is and how today just might be your last. If you know me in real life and I tell you that I love you, rest assured that I mean it. But that isn't where I stopped. Back in October when I was deep in my pity party, I could easily have stayed there dwelling on how bad my life was and how I had been forced to turn vegetarian and how I will never be cured and blah blah blah. But instead, I switched my focus to all the things that could have been worse. I've never been hospitalized with all this insanity of health issues, I only had a couple of weeks that I couldn't do yoga to the fullest, and I am able to do whatever I want now in terms of fitness - although running is again something I have to build up to since it has been so long since I did it. I learned last month that the six months I thought I had of immunosuppression treatment is actually a two year gig but I'm rolling with it. It isn't chemo after all. Sure, I'll have to be far more diligent with my facial waxing since one of the side effects apparently is increased hair growth but there are worse things, right?

If I'm recapping 2013 in a nutshell, I'd say it gave me a far greater perspective on how I want to live my life. I am still grieving in many ways about the loss of my perfect vitality but I'm also taking steps to get past that loss. I didn't lose a husband, and I didn't get a terminal illness (chronic doesn't directly translate to terminal after all) but I did suffer a loss in the form of seeing the end of my life as I had previously defined it. Instead of wallowing in the grief, I'm redefining my life and living that new life fully. I'm not one to make resolutions with the New Year but I'm far more prone to reflecting this year. As I look ahead to 2014 and all the craziness I'm certain is in store for me and my little family, above all I am happy and hopeful. May your 2014 be the same whoever you are and wherever your circumstances find you. Thanks for reading!