This was the sunset of the best day we ever spent at the beach.
And this is still the coolest picture of animals with attitude I've ever captured... Can't you just see the mischievousness shining through in the one giraffe that's looking at the camera? I know it's a female and that she doesn't take crap from any of the others.
My commentary on life as I see it... Are we on the outside looking in or trapped inside looking out?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Blog Challenge Day 8 - Thank you letter to someone who has changed my life
How do you pick just one person? One person to single out as the biggest influence of change? Is it your parents? Your spouse? Your children? Your mentor? The author of your favorite book? I can't pick just one - and have been struggling with this question for a week now knowing this post was lurking in the blog challenge. I was even tempted to replace it with something easier. But then what would be the point of the blog challenge if I got rid of all the challenging posts? Then I decided that I wasn't being graded on this and anyone I picked would give you an insight into me so I went with the first one that popped into my head a week ago.
Dear Big Sister,Thank you for surprising me with your conception at a time in my life when I was convinced I didn't want kids because my career was so important I couldn't be bothered with motherhood. I was wrong. Over the years I have suspended my selfishness in ways I didn't think possible without regret just to make you happy which in turn makes me a better person. Your logical mind challenges me daily to explain how life works which means I surely won't ever suffer from Alzheimer's. In trying to mold you into a well-rounded adult, I hope I don't scar you and that you don't need therapy as an adult.Love,Mom
Friday, September 9, 2011
Where were you on September 11, 2001?
It's been ten years this weekend since the World Trade Center Towers were hit by planes and subsequently collapsed; the act which started the country down the road toward it's current state with two wars being waged, civil rights restricted in the name of National Security and overwhelming deficits where we are robbing Peter not even pretending to pay Paul. I worry for my children and wonder what their lives as American citizens will be like when they are my age and paying taxes. Luckily, Big Sister has already begun taking an interest in the election process and last week asked me when she gets to vote. At nine she has more interest than half of my siblings do.
But I digress... this is about my memories of where I was on that fateful day in September of 2001. A day like the one when Kennedy was shot since everyone old enough to have memory of it can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when it happened.
At the time, I was eight months pregnant with our first child, Big Sister. Hubby and I were living in Tooele, Utah and both working in Salt Lake City which meant long commutes. Hubby would wake up super early and be on the road by five AM and I would wake a couple of hours later to the television turning on - still the coolest alarm clock I've ever had. I would lay in bed half conscious for the end of the local news until the Today show would come on at seven which was my queue to get up and get in the shower. Instead of hitting the snooze button I'd watch the first little segment of national news and then get up. That morning they were doing live coverage special reporting showing aerial shots of the World Trade Center towers, one of which had smoke coming out of it toward the top, and speculating on what could have happened. Initial reports were just coming in about something having hit it with everyone at that point still thinking it was some kind of horrible accident.
And then - live on television - I saw the second plane hit. And they played it over and over for the rest of the morning while the country's collective sat in shock at the realization this was being done on purpose. Unfathomable.
It's mostly a blur from there as reports were made about yet another plane hitting the Pentagon and eventually the plane that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania instead of it's intended target because the passengers fought back against the hijackers. I remember sitting there in bed rubbing my pregnant belly and wondering what kind of a world I was going to bring this new baby into and wishing Hubby was there with me instead of just a voice on the other end of the phone sounding just as shocked as I was feeling. He was watching on television at work after a coworker's wife had called and told them to tune in.
I vaguely remember getting ready for work and heading for the office, much later than usual. I kept wandering back and forth between the bathroom and the bedroom glued to the television. Before I left I saw both the towers collapse - still live. When I got to work, the little thirteen inch TV in the break room on top of the refrigerator, which I had only before seen used by the night janitorial crew, was turned on showing the news recapping over and over what people just tuning in might have missed. People would wander into the small cramped room, watch for a bit, then wander away. Everyone who had radios on their desks were listening to news reports. Streaming CNN was choking our network broadband but not much work was happening anyway so no one said anything. Everyone was talking about it constantly. Many were visibly shaken and emotional. Some never left that room all day.
The entire country was in chaos. One of my coworker friends had left that morning for a vacation in New York. I remember being frantic, worried if she was on one of the planes, and relieved when I heard from her. They had arrived hours earlier and were nowhere near ground zero, as it was later dubbed, but had tried to make their way closer to see what was happening. One of my closest friends at the time had just sent her husband off on a plane that morning for training in the Midwest. His plane was grounded when they closed the airspace stranding him in Las Vegas for days until the two of us drove down to get him one night after work. We returned just in time to change our clothes and go to work the next morning.
I was very lucky since neither Hubby or I had anyone close - or even an acquaintance - who were killed on that day. Although thousands were not that lucky. And that doesn't include the thousands who have been killed since that day in Iraq and Afghanistan. In reality, the country hasn't been the same since... And in many ways it is hard to believe it has been ten years.
Do you remember where you were that morning?
But I digress... this is about my memories of where I was on that fateful day in September of 2001. A day like the one when Kennedy was shot since everyone old enough to have memory of it can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when it happened.
At the time, I was eight months pregnant with our first child, Big Sister. Hubby and I were living in Tooele, Utah and both working in Salt Lake City which meant long commutes. Hubby would wake up super early and be on the road by five AM and I would wake a couple of hours later to the television turning on - still the coolest alarm clock I've ever had. I would lay in bed half conscious for the end of the local news until the Today show would come on at seven which was my queue to get up and get in the shower. Instead of hitting the snooze button I'd watch the first little segment of national news and then get up. That morning they were doing live coverage special reporting showing aerial shots of the World Trade Center towers, one of which had smoke coming out of it toward the top, and speculating on what could have happened. Initial reports were just coming in about something having hit it with everyone at that point still thinking it was some kind of horrible accident.
And then - live on television - I saw the second plane hit. And they played it over and over for the rest of the morning while the country's collective sat in shock at the realization this was being done on purpose. Unfathomable.
It's mostly a blur from there as reports were made about yet another plane hitting the Pentagon and eventually the plane that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania instead of it's intended target because the passengers fought back against the hijackers. I remember sitting there in bed rubbing my pregnant belly and wondering what kind of a world I was going to bring this new baby into and wishing Hubby was there with me instead of just a voice on the other end of the phone sounding just as shocked as I was feeling. He was watching on television at work after a coworker's wife had called and told them to tune in.
I vaguely remember getting ready for work and heading for the office, much later than usual. I kept wandering back and forth between the bathroom and the bedroom glued to the television. Before I left I saw both the towers collapse - still live. When I got to work, the little thirteen inch TV in the break room on top of the refrigerator, which I had only before seen used by the night janitorial crew, was turned on showing the news recapping over and over what people just tuning in might have missed. People would wander into the small cramped room, watch for a bit, then wander away. Everyone who had radios on their desks were listening to news reports. Streaming CNN was choking our network broadband but not much work was happening anyway so no one said anything. Everyone was talking about it constantly. Many were visibly shaken and emotional. Some never left that room all day.
The entire country was in chaos. One of my coworker friends had left that morning for a vacation in New York. I remember being frantic, worried if she was on one of the planes, and relieved when I heard from her. They had arrived hours earlier and were nowhere near ground zero, as it was later dubbed, but had tried to make their way closer to see what was happening. One of my closest friends at the time had just sent her husband off on a plane that morning for training in the Midwest. His plane was grounded when they closed the airspace stranding him in Las Vegas for days until the two of us drove down to get him one night after work. We returned just in time to change our clothes and go to work the next morning.
I was very lucky since neither Hubby or I had anyone close - or even an acquaintance - who were killed on that day. Although thousands were not that lucky. And that doesn't include the thousands who have been killed since that day in Iraq and Afghanistan. In reality, the country hasn't been the same since... And in many ways it is hard to believe it has been ten years.
Do you remember where you were that morning?
Blog Challenge Day 7 - Five things I couldn't possibly live without
Since it says 'things' and not 'people' I'm going to answer literally instead of going to the safe and predictable places like family or friends... which goes without saying anyway.
1. A smart phone. I never really got over my addiction to the Blackberry - which was my gateway drug. Currently I have a Droid and just upgraded my work phone to an iPhone. And I carry them both. I feel naked if I don't have my phone ON. MY. PERSON. I'm not a lady who keeps it in her purse. I don't wear pants without pockets. I never ever turn it off. Seriously, I could not live without my phone.
2. Running shoes. Again, an addiction. What does this say about me, I wonder? I used to be a shoe whore and was a sucker for a cute pair of shoes - especially heels and strappy sandals. Now I love running so much that I have spent my allotted shoe money for the last three years on running shoes rather than shoe shoes. I do not currently own any sensible black shoes for work and my brown shoes - the last pair I haven't worn out - are ones I bought more than three years ago. Once my running shoes wear out and I can't wear them for running, they transition into my everyday shoes. And if the day came that I couldn't afford to buy a new pair FOR running, I would spend food money to buy them and starve instead.
3. Cottage cheese. I eat cottage cheese every single day. It is one of the best forms of non-meat protein and requires no work to prepare. I love it plain. I love it with berries mixed in. I could eat it for every meal. If they quit making it, I would die.
4. Hair color. I suffer from a pretty shitty gene pool in the hair department. I got my first gray hair at fifteen and have been coloring ever since. If I didn't have hair color, instead of looking like Little Sister's mom, I'd look like her grandmother. No joke. No exaggeration. I'm so busy these days that I don't get time to color it often enough and I KNOW it's time for color when I have a stripe of silver starring me down from the mirror yelling "color me quick!". If I had to endure having THAT hair color from roots to ends, I would die.
5. Books. Bet you saw this one coming, huh? I don't remember a time when I didn't love to read. I came home the first day of Kindergarten so mad because "they didn't teach us to read today" like my Mom had said would happen. I always have a book with me - either tucked into my bag or loaded up on my iPod or my reader app on my smart phone or all three. If other authors stopped writing great stories for me to read I would die. Probably why I want to be one of those authors and give back to other readers like me.
So, what on this list surprised you the most?
1. A smart phone. I never really got over my addiction to the Blackberry - which was my gateway drug. Currently I have a Droid and just upgraded my work phone to an iPhone. And I carry them both. I feel naked if I don't have my phone ON. MY. PERSON. I'm not a lady who keeps it in her purse. I don't wear pants without pockets. I never ever turn it off. Seriously, I could not live without my phone.
2. Running shoes. Again, an addiction. What does this say about me, I wonder? I used to be a shoe whore and was a sucker for a cute pair of shoes - especially heels and strappy sandals. Now I love running so much that I have spent my allotted shoe money for the last three years on running shoes rather than shoe shoes. I do not currently own any sensible black shoes for work and my brown shoes - the last pair I haven't worn out - are ones I bought more than three years ago. Once my running shoes wear out and I can't wear them for running, they transition into my everyday shoes. And if the day came that I couldn't afford to buy a new pair FOR running, I would spend food money to buy them and starve instead.
3. Cottage cheese. I eat cottage cheese every single day. It is one of the best forms of non-meat protein and requires no work to prepare. I love it plain. I love it with berries mixed in. I could eat it for every meal. If they quit making it, I would die.
4. Hair color. I suffer from a pretty shitty gene pool in the hair department. I got my first gray hair at fifteen and have been coloring ever since. If I didn't have hair color, instead of looking like Little Sister's mom, I'd look like her grandmother. No joke. No exaggeration. I'm so busy these days that I don't get time to color it often enough and I KNOW it's time for color when I have a stripe of silver starring me down from the mirror yelling "color me quick!". If I had to endure having THAT hair color from roots to ends, I would die.
5. Books. Bet you saw this one coming, huh? I don't remember a time when I didn't love to read. I came home the first day of Kindergarten so mad because "they didn't teach us to read today" like my Mom had said would happen. I always have a book with me - either tucked into my bag or loaded up on my iPod or my reader app on my smart phone or all three. If other authors stopped writing great stories for me to read I would die. Probably why I want to be one of those authors and give back to other readers like me.
So, what on this list surprised you the most?
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Blog Challenge Day 6 - A moment I wish I could relive
Time to get a little heavy... fair warning. As I said, this list has a bunch of things I don't normally blog about which is, I guess, the entire point. I have two specific moments that, at their essence, are really the same moment with two different people and are the only two real regrets that I have in my life. I wish I could go back and say goodbye to my maternal grandpa and my fraternal grandma differently before they both died.
One thing I don't do well is death - I always find a reason to skip a funeral, when I go to viewings I skip even going near the body. It isn't necessarily that it creeps me out but just that I don't get the whole ritual. When I die, I don't even want to be embalmed. Donate all my organs, put me in a cardboard box, let my kids say goodbye one last time then burn me to ashes and have a gathering to celebrate my life. Once I'm gone there's nothing left in the shell of my body so why go to all the trouble with preserving it. And don't even get me started about the whole idea of cemeteries with all those bodies rotting away sealed up tight where they can't even nourish the trees and other life around them.
My grandpa died four years ago. He was one of the most important men to ever come into my life. I was there with the rest of my family - brothers, sister, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, literally everyone - when he died. I think he held out long enough for us all to get there after the dreaded middle-of-the-night phone call before he took his last breath. We all took turns going to the bed and saying our last goodbye and while I didn't skip it, I didn't do everything I wish I had. I held his hand and told him I loved him but I hesitated and for some reason held back throwing myself on him for one last hug and kissing him like I really wanted to do. So, I'd like to relive that moment and this time not give a shit how it looked or if it messed up some machine hooked to him and give him that hug.
I should have learned my lesson about this particular moment by the time my dear grandma on my Dad's side passed away a year later. But, instead I listened to my Dad - who knows how I feel about the whole subject of death. He told me the last time he had seen her she hadn't even known who he was and that it wouldn't matter if I went to see her one last time or not. So I didn't. At the time I rationalized that it would break my heart to have her not recognize me and to see her in such a diminished capacity preferring instead to remember the small, sweet lady who was always such a gracious and giving woman. Even now I wonder how different it would have been had I gone to say goodbye. Maybe she would have known me and taken some small comfort in my presence. I'll never know and I wish I had gone.
One thing I don't do well is death - I always find a reason to skip a funeral, when I go to viewings I skip even going near the body. It isn't necessarily that it creeps me out but just that I don't get the whole ritual. When I die, I don't even want to be embalmed. Donate all my organs, put me in a cardboard box, let my kids say goodbye one last time then burn me to ashes and have a gathering to celebrate my life. Once I'm gone there's nothing left in the shell of my body so why go to all the trouble with preserving it. And don't even get me started about the whole idea of cemeteries with all those bodies rotting away sealed up tight where they can't even nourish the trees and other life around them.
My grandpa died four years ago. He was one of the most important men to ever come into my life. I was there with the rest of my family - brothers, sister, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, literally everyone - when he died. I think he held out long enough for us all to get there after the dreaded middle-of-the-night phone call before he took his last breath. We all took turns going to the bed and saying our last goodbye and while I didn't skip it, I didn't do everything I wish I had. I held his hand and told him I loved him but I hesitated and for some reason held back throwing myself on him for one last hug and kissing him like I really wanted to do. So, I'd like to relive that moment and this time not give a shit how it looked or if it messed up some machine hooked to him and give him that hug.
I should have learned my lesson about this particular moment by the time my dear grandma on my Dad's side passed away a year later. But, instead I listened to my Dad - who knows how I feel about the whole subject of death. He told me the last time he had seen her she hadn't even known who he was and that it wouldn't matter if I went to see her one last time or not. So I didn't. At the time I rationalized that it would break my heart to have her not recognize me and to see her in such a diminished capacity preferring instead to remember the small, sweet lady who was always such a gracious and giving woman. Even now I wonder how different it would have been had I gone to say goodbye. Maybe she would have known me and taken some small comfort in my presence. I'll never know and I wish I had gone.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Blog Challenge Day 5 - The meaning behind my blog's name
For a long time I've been fascinated with all things occult. I love astrology, read Tarot cards, am fascinated with palm readers, have been to a psychic, and always gravitate to movies and books with these things and characters who do them. One of the things I've always said is "I wish I had a crystal ball!" - usually when I'm trying to make tough choices where there are no easy answers and could mean significant change in my life. When I got the blogging bug - which seems like a lifetime ago - I thought it would be cool to theme it around being a glimpse into my life from the outside - like a crystal ball - and also a reflection of my own life from the inside. Over the years it has been just that - a way for me to project outward what I'm doing, feeling, thinking and also for me to reflect on what makes me who I am. I still have days when I really wish I had that magical crystal ball to make my life easier, but in the meantime I have this!
My blog began before I consciously decided I wanted to be a writer who would also have a blog or thought there might be actual people who would read it regularly. Many times I have thought "Terra, could you have made the blog url any longer and why doesn't it match the name of the blog?" and have thought long and hard about changing it. But if I change the url to match the name of the blog would I lose people who stop by occasionally or would it be easier for everyone to find - never mind the fact it's printed on my business cards? Or would I fall into the trap of being one of "those" bloggers who are infamous for changing their blog name or deleting them? I've found several in this category over the years and am sad when the blog is one day inexplicably gone. So of course I don't want to do that to any of MY readers.
I'd love to know... How did you find me in the blog-isphere and what do you think of the name or the url - love it, hate it or never thought about it?
My blog began before I consciously decided I wanted to be a writer who would also have a blog or thought there might be actual people who would read it regularly. Many times I have thought "Terra, could you have made the blog url any longer and why doesn't it match the name of the blog?" and have thought long and hard about changing it. But if I change the url to match the name of the blog would I lose people who stop by occasionally or would it be easier for everyone to find - never mind the fact it's printed on my business cards? Or would I fall into the trap of being one of "those" bloggers who are infamous for changing their blog name or deleting them? I've found several in this category over the years and am sad when the blog is one day inexplicably gone. So of course I don't want to do that to any of MY readers.
I'd love to know... How did you find me in the blog-isphere and what do you think of the name or the url - love it, hate it or never thought about it?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Blog Challenge Day 4 - A favorite quote
My favorite quote of all time is the last stanza of this Victorian poem by William Ernest Henley.
I love the power this poem conveys - especially the last two lines. No matter what happens, I know that I am in control of my fate and that I am the one steering the ship of my life. It helps me avoid falling into the trap of feeling victimized or being made to feel guilty by others. I don't remember when I first heard this poem - I think it was an old Army veteran I worked with about twenty years ago - but I don't remember when I haven't had those last few lines always running through my subconscious.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
I love the power this poem conveys - especially the last two lines. No matter what happens, I know that I am in control of my fate and that I am the one steering the ship of my life. It helps me avoid falling into the trap of feeling victimized or being made to feel guilty by others. I don't remember when I first heard this poem - I think it was an old Army veteran I worked with about twenty years ago - but I don't remember when I haven't had those last few lines always running through my subconscious.
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